15 Songs on an Electric Piano

Christopher Wynn

Recorded 1994

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     My first time in a recording studio was incredibly daunting. I was so nervous that I had to repeatedly wipe the sweat off my hands so I could play the keyboard. The whole experience was like being in a hospital. I was sealed off in a small room behind a wall of glass that was dripping with power cords and microphones instead of life support. Writing music has been a form of life support for me.

     Making the decision to record some of the songs I had accumulated over the years was both exhilarating and frightening. I'm a one-man show. I write, sing and play all the songs, therefore I get all the credit and all the blame. There is an undeniable power, however, in sharing some of your deepest emotions with an audience. There's also an undeniable healing that occurs. The best feeling I've had when sharing my music with someone is to hear them say, yes... I've felt that. I know exactly what you are saying. Connection.

     These songs span a wide range of time in their creation. I wrote Circus Boy when I was thirteen. In A Place seeped out the morning of this recording session. I actually completed that song while recording it, in fact. I think In A Place best summarizes where I was at that moment in my life and what motivated my decision to lay this all on tape.

     This collection for me evokes a feeling of innocence and vulnerability that we only truly have once in life before "growing up." In many ways, I think that's what gives the work its power. So, here's to never growing up.

Christopher Wynn
1994

Part I

Summer

Swoon

Hiding

Devotion

Not So Different

Anyone

Wash Over Me

How Can You Keep Going On

We Wouldn't Be Long Away

Words Like Shadows


Part II

Faith

If He Were You

Circus Boy

An Awakening

In A Place


Summer

It's summer and I'm alone
In my backyard where the sun is warm
Is this all there is
Is this all for me

Lazy day, it's sweltering
As I lean back in my tire swing
And life rushes past
And leaves me in it's wake
Is this all there is
Did I stay out too late

The dark comes and you call me home
I turn to you, I start to run
But then one look back
And I have to pause...

To see the fireflies
That glow like embers
If it's all the same
I'll choose to remember
Cause growing old makes you forget

To watch the fireflies
That streak like lightning
Place them inside jars
Until you feel guilty
And then let them go...
To live again

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Swoon

I can't help but to ascribe the pleasure I receive
To spending time with you and your thoughtful company
With words of intellect, and of flattery, and wit
That swoon inside my head 'til finding time to sit

The sweetness of your voice and kindness of your tone
Entice my ears to listen, claiming your words for my own
And oh the craving I endure for the deepness of your eyes
A swan that floats in their reflection beneath the surface and the sky

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Hiding

So I'm hiding, and so you found me
And it's more than words can really say
So I'm afraid to be alone
And I'm frightened of the dark
And the feelings it can bring

Carried with the weight of words
The message that has been reserved
Is spilling over...
Cause you found my hiding place
And you've seen my crying face
And you know I hate to be alone

So here it is you found me
And oh did you ever find me
I'm so ashamed to say these things
(So ashamed to say these things)
So afraid of what you'll think
So afraid of what you'll say
But you've touched me in some way

Take the secrets I confide
Take away my need to hide
I never dreamed it could be this way
Take the secrets I confide
Take away my need to hide
I never dreamed it could be this way

So I was hiding, and so you found me
It's more than words could ever say

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Devotion

It seems so silly to have to say this
It's something I thought you understood
(But assumptions make you blind)
I have these notions about a word called devotion
And how you cherish what you love

It seems your comprehension's straining
Is there any sense I'm making (I'm almost scared to ask)
It's not much to expect, to ask for your respect
And retain my value in your eyes

So take to heart the words I'm speaking
And don't forget from whom they came
(They'll linger in your dreams)
Not possible to measure the worth of our endeavor
We're richer than anyone can see

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Not So Different

Well I lay down this evening
See the man in the moon rise
He's sad but his glow remains
And we're not so different
As much as we're the same

Well the thoughts in my mind race
The words in my mouth chase
Emotions from the back of my brain
And we're not so different
As much as we're the same

We're not so different
That you and I can't compare
And it's not so difficult
To admit that what we both feel is real
And how much it hurts
And how sometimes it breaks us down

Well I woke up this morning to terrible sunshine
Exposing me for what I am
And we're not so different
Because at times we're all too tired to stand

We're not so different
That you and I can't compare
And it's not so difficult
To admit that what we both feel is real
And how much it hurts
And how sometimes it breaks us down

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Anyone

Are your eyes too blind to see
Or is the light too dim to reflect me
Your floating up as you bring me down
The mirror cracked into lines that frown
And we're all the talk all around the town
And it's all anyone can see
I think my thoughts in secrecy

Are your ears too deaf to hear
It sounds like someone is dancing near
Can't hear my screams cause they're wrapped in cotton
I stretch my legs in the grass forgotten
And I'm afraid I'm the one who strayed
And it's all anyone can hear
My screams are songs sung to deaf ears

Is it more than your mind can know
Someone was here but they had to go
I like tea with cream, but I'll drink it straight
I strain to speak then I hesitate
And then you turn away and it's too late (too late)
And it's all anyone can know
I live in fear of the ones I love
And it's all anyone can say...
I can't understand why he acts that way

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Wash Over Me

Poetry and all the words that give it sheen
Can't explain away emotions that I've seen
In your eyes...
The power they did bring immobilizes me

Swept away inside the purest imagery
A life that's ruled by us
Engage the possibilities
What I've found is with you loving me
I'm invincible

Touch to see if it's reality
And if it breaks it cuts deep and leaves you to bleed
Let it all wash over me

Hold my hand and for days and days I'll dream
The most alluring threads
Sewn into an exquisite seam
Although I'm speechless my heart will still sing
Songs about you

Touch to see if it's reality
And if it breaks it cuts deep and leaves you to bleed
Let it all wash over me
Let it all wash over me

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How Can You Keep Going On

How can you keep going on?
Living out every day like nothing has gone on
And you're not even shaken up
You're picture perfect and dressed to kill
Cause you're on top

How can you look me in the eye
And never even blink or twitch
Or betray the lie

It's just another job to you
It's just something that you've been
Given over to
And nobody has to know
What's been creeping through your mind
And how you really feel inside

There's not even a crack in your facade
Or tremble in your voice to speak of
How much longer can you keep your guard up
(For years and years I bet)

Why don't you let down your hair
And tell me what has transpired to
Leave you shivering and scared
Why can't you just turn it loose
Free your thoughts, speak your words
Declare the truce

I'm not the judge, you're not on trial
Criticism never was my style
I'm waiting for the day you reach out to me and smile

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We Wouldn't Be Long Away

We wouldn't be long away he said
A difficult thing to say for dread
That so simple a venture could end you see
In surprising adventure and ecstasy

Replace contemplation or eager surmise
With curious notions and wondering eyes
Stray far from the path we chose carefully
Enduring the wrath of our inmost decree

Cheerful discovery of our secretest self
Hesitant smiles seep sweet inner health
I sense it's serenity that has found me at last
Made known by the beauty of the things its amassed

Gaze thoughtfully on me a glint in the sun
That glistens towards heaven and in flashes is gone
I know only a journey that took me aside
From the place others travel and commonly hide
A distant distraction and a promise to obey
We wouldn't be, wouldn't be long away

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Words Like Shadows

I close my eyes and you are there
The way you used to be there
Beneath the surface...
Words like shadows left to haunt my mind

Remember the days when we were young and fair
And life, it wanted us here
You'd smile at me and laugh
You'd say I think I better take you home
And I'd say...

How can anyone so beautiful really love me
How can anyone so committed even dare to break that
And all I remember is you were quiet
And all I remember is you were quiet
And all I could do was stand there crying

I knew I couldn't let this life
Slip by me, wondering, if you could ever love me
I took my chances, got what I deserved
Then I realized you were as hurt as I
And wondering why
We'd let our passion for it die
I've never held anyone so tight
And you'd say...

How can anyone so beautiful really love me
How can anyone so committed even dare to break that
And all I could do was stand there crying
And all I could do was stand there crying
Is this what happens when you give up trying?

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Faith

Got my two feet planted
On solid ground granted
Continental drift is always
In motion, they say

But who are they to tell me
And where are they to bail me out
When I get too deep in promises
I cannot keep again

Don't say that I have no faith at all
It's just that things that others say
Are based on facts they really can't recall

So if I tell you the story
You'll take all the glory
For having thought it all up
Another coin that drops in your cup

I can't believe how I was weak
I played the part silent and meek
Hoping all the while you'd notice me
And see what we could become

Don't say that I have no faith at all
It's just that things that others say
Are based on facts they really can't recall

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If He Were You

If he were you and you were he
What a strange and awkward place to be
To see yourselves as others see
And know the better place to be

To know each word and tear and thought
And know from where it came and what
Had formed the very seed of thought
And made each man a better man
And what he is today
And why he sees the way he sees
And tells the secrets that he hides

To light the lamp that burns the fire
That grows the flame behind his eyes
I'd know just where each reason lies
If I could see behind his eyes
I'd know just where to start to end
And know just how each word does lend
Power to the portrait of the other one outside
And why it sees the way it sees
And tells the secrets that it hides

If he were you and you were he
I'd chance that better men you'd be
For having seen as others see
The thoughts that lay in secrecy

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Circus Boy

I was just a circus boy
With dreams and aspirations
Hoping to find a little of what was mine
Only ten when I joined the circus
With big dreams like all the rest of us
Hoping to have a little of what was mine

Sweet summer days when I was young
Working beneath the fiery sun
The sweat of my labor burning inside of my eyes
On the day my brother told me good-bye
I put on his suit and began to cry
Planting fake flowers on top
Of his sunny grave

Can't see where I've begun
Can't rest until I'm done

Colored balloons and juggling by day
Traveling down and endless highway
The dust of the east has settled inside of our lungs
The children would come, watch us set up our tents
No earthly idea how our nights were spent
Believing in all that they saw and all that we gave

Can't see where I've begun
Can't rest until I'm done
Young boy the lonely one
Lay down beneath the sun

I was just a circus boy
With dreams and aspirations
Hoping to find a little of what was mine
Only ten when I joined the circus
With big dreams like all the rest of us
Hoping to have a little of what was mine

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An Awakening

Shook the leaves and woke the dead
Stirred the moon from what he read
He rubbed his blurry eyes as fresh from rest
Around my head
Around my eyes

Circle me and brush my check
Tilt the earth to take a peek
Fingers touch the sky and leave me weak
Around my head
Around my eyes

And makes me dizzy and high

Felt upon my skin the breeze of summer
Cool night wind of mercy
It lifts my hopes so they can fly
Around my head
Around my eyes

And makes me dizzy and high

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In A Place

It's the things that you say without saying a thing
And the finger you point without placing the blame
And it's the very same thing almost every day
Who would dream that I could feel this way

To think I've come all this way
To stand inside yesterday
When I felt these things
And I promised that I would be good
And not raise my voice
Or be proud or be heard
Or cower down or resurge
And could I be in such familiar territory

It's the way that you rage without raising your voice
And the options you give without giving a choice
If I weren't in your power I might find I'd rejoice
And finally offer time to myself
To find out who I am without locking me out

And God says in your weakness, I am made strong

And if I could reach back in time
I'd find myself steering cautiously clear
Of the place that I've spent all my life
In a place of living, waking fear

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